Why would a co-worker be really nice to you one day then extremely rude to you the next and how can you make them stop this kind of two-faced routine?

Answer 1

You didn't say if it was the opposite sex or if they had a position higher than yours, but my guess is it's a one-on-one with a female. Either way, some people have problems at home and even though we all know we should leave our problems in our private life at home, sometimes it's hard to do. Behind every moody person I see that person with problems. Still, these are no excuses to treat another coworker in a mean and sneaky demeanor. When it's a supervisor giving you this problem, then try your best to tell them (in a calm manner) you aren't their whipping post. If they still retain the attitude then report them to THEIR superior. If you have been at the company for a fair time people will know if you are the troublemaker or not. I highly doubt you are, and people that are mean-spirited usually stick out like a sore thumb. If it's a coworker say the same thing to them and if they don't back off then stick up for yourself and if that doesn't do it then go to your Superior about it. When someone is nasty to me I always say, "Bad day?" with a smile on my face. Most of the time these people will say something like, "You don't know the half of it!" In this case I'll ask if I can help them out. If I can't or they don't want the help they still soften a little towards me, but most of the time they practically tell me their life story. I have bumped into a few that haven't and I haven't been too kind to them if they still keep taking digs at me. I have been known more than once after trying everything to get along with the person to say in exasperation, "What bug do you have up your butt?" This shocks the person and I just look them square in the eye. I'm sending a message "don't mess with me!" Works every time and I've never lost a job because of it. I am still volunteering shorter hours to the Abused Women's Center, but was working long hours with my Superior (a woman). We got along very well, and I'm extremely out-going, but she's quiet, but we did have many good laughs and worked well together. She sent me flowers begging me to stay with a promise of a job (union job too) and I sure needed one. I was going to volunteer anyway because I believed in what I was doing. My boss went to L.A. for a rest (stressed right out) and when she came back all hell broke loose. She started out by attacking the Women's Center Board (unlike her), forgetting things (I would pick up the pace for her and said nothing) and then did a 90 degree turn and started using scare tactics on the counselors working there. I had a talk with her and told her to take it easy. She did confide in me to some degree, but I knew there was more. Things were a little better, but she started it all over again. Although I could sympathize to some degree letting her get away with this was not for the betterment of staff or the Women's Center. I took a 2 week Sabbatical and thought about it all. I arranged a meeting with her after that and I told her exactly what was on my mind and she either took an extended rest period or I was walking. Well, I walked, but I walked straight to the government and formed a verbal complaint and a written complaint. I was not the only one that did this and all board members did the same thing. My boss was reprimanded and forced to take a Leave of Absence, pending. It's obvious I felt jilted after all my many hours of work and research, but then when I got thinking about it I realized I had learned much and there were other ways I could help these women, so that's what I'm doing, plus, I'm starting a new job in a couple of weeks (a paying job! LOL) I told you the above story so you'll know there are ways around things and sometimes it just takes guts. Would I have talked to her like this if I was actually hired? You bet I would! It's just having a calm manner and well chosen words that can often get your point across. To tell you the truth I have had 90% of my jobs working for men because I simply don't like taking the risk of working for women. Sorry gals, but some of you out there deserve that remark. I found working with men you did your work, had a few laughs and jokes and went home relaxed! I find SOME women in a position are in a power struggle and don't think it just stops at a woman being this way with another woman, they can also be hostile to men and make their lives miserable in the workplace. So, try talking to this person and if it doesn't work report it! You don't get paid for verbal abuse! Good luck Marcy