Is it normal for a victim to struggle to be treated with respect by her abuser?

Answer 1

Yes, it is normal. The abuser makes his victim think she has done EVERYTHING wrong, is useless, powerless, and not fit to live on her own out in society. She's stupid, she's ugly, fat, etc. The abuser breaks down the inner self of the victim. Of course none of it is true, but the victim is so use to hearing it she begins to believe it herself. Oddly enough some victims actually look up to their abuser as mentors and feel the need to please them. Of course this will never be, because the abuser is the one who is truly mentally incapacitated. He needs to have his environment under his total control and since that's not likely to happen out in society, the only place it will work for him is in the privacy of his home and that involves YOU. You can't change an abuser and to try and stay and think you are going to get respect from an abuser (when the abuser doesn't respect himself or anyone else) is a waste of your life. Run! Get out of this environment. Live life with a "if I don't feel good most of the time around a person there is something wrong and I need to deal with it and move on with my life" and you'll never go wrong. Friends, family, employers can abuse you mentally as well. Some of society believes women who stay with abusers are weak women and thus, they don't always respect them, but the opposite is true. Abused women are NOT weak. They are TRAPPED! Until recently there have been few laws that have protected abused women, but things are slowly but surely getting better. There is more protection out there and the Women's Center does work with the police in nailing the butts of abusers (be it man or woman.) I hope you think about this and realize that you won't win in this game of abuse and that you deserve better. I hope you make that call to the "Abused Women Center" and take their programs and become self sufficient and independent and have peace within yourself. Good luck hon Marcy Normal? No. Common? Yes. It's a tactic for control. Its part of the roller coaster. Treating you with respect knocks you off guard and makes you question your sanity. And its working, isn't it? Think about the question you asked. You used the word "abuse" and the word "respect" in the same sentence. How odd is that. If he respects you he wouldn't be abusing you. The abuse is real. The respect is an act. ~ T