Why are you having such a horrific time getting over your narcissistic husband of six years when you split up six months ago at his insistence?

Answer 1

I need not tell you that narcissists are chameleons and can charm the devil himself if they want too, yet turn around to their spouse and be brutal and cruel. Narcissists are selfish, egotistical, controlling to a point of mind-games and it can even turn into physical abusers. YOU have been mentally abused and you've been walking on egg shells for years. It's normal to have the feelings you do. No matter whether you ex husband was narcissistic you had some good times at the beginning and therefore good memories. You may have had children together and that is a bond no one understands, but it's there. You are in the "blame mode" and that's normal. You wonder how things could have changed so drastically and it had to have been your fault! Not true! You should get a medal for putting up with this guy and it's a wonder you lasted this long. Thank him from the bottom of your heart (just literally) that he insisted you split-up ... he did you a favor! You have invested a great portion of your life in this man and sometimes good relationships turn sour. I was married to an abusive/physically and cheating man for 3 1/2 years. The sad part about it is I saw these traits in him before we got married, but being young I really thought I was "the one" and I could change him. Let me tell you, that was the best lesson I ever learned! I finally got the courage up to leave him. I found an apartment (never lived on my own before), decided to stop seeing the friends my ex and I had chummed with, made new friends and got a new job. I must admit it was tough for awhile and I would cry myself to sleep many nights. I felt like an old rag that had just been thrown into a garbage can and I wondered what was wrong with me???? Later I wondered where my brain cells were! LOL After going through all that I realized that those feelings I had were like losing a loved one to death and indeed I was mourning a death ... the death of a marriage. In time I stopped blaming myself and realized that we don't have control over others and we can't change people if they don't want to change. It isn't always our faults, although in society we are often led to believe part of it had to be our fault. Not true! What you are going through is very normal and try going with the flow. When it gets you down, get busy! Throw yourself into work, meet new friends and try to have a little fun. You are worth something! Go get a new hairstyle and buy a few new clothes just to make yourself feel better. Get a new outlook on life. Give yourself a chance to know who you are, what your strengths and weakness' are and I can tell you, you'll be pleasantly surprised. You got along just fine before you met your ex and you can do it again! Good luck & God Bless