Why would your Canadian boyfriend of two years dump you two weeks after he told you to tell your East Indian father about him so you could get married?

Answer 1

There are two very distinct cultures here and you being East Indian you must realize the cultural practices of your own family. #1 Are you so sure your father would allow such a marriage? Doesn't sound much to me he would like you marrying a Canadian not of your faith or culture. #2 Perhaps your boyfriend's parents warned him of the many problems the both of you could have in a mixed marriage. East Indian culture hold onto their roots with a passion and it's sacred to them, but I need not tell you that. I suggest you speak with your father and if he can look you in the eyes and tell you he had no problem with the marriage then phone your boyfriend and ask for an explanation. Something is going on.

I want to tell you a true story of a young East Indian girl that lived not far from my home in British Columbia, Canada. She was born in Canada, but her family roots were close-knit and her mother was strict to the point of "death of my daughter is better than marrying below her class." Her parents arranged for her to marry a man that was at least 40 years older than her. The young woman wasn't pleased with this and tried to tell her parents, but she was sent back home to India. While she was there she met a young man (pulled a cart for tourists) in India and they fell in love. She came back to Canada and when her parents pressured her to marry the older man this is when she said she was in love with the younger man. Her parents went wild! It is unclear how this young woman managed to get back to India to see her true love, but she did. They were out riding on a motor scooter. Little did the young lovers realize that HER OWN MOTHER put a hit out on both of them and had one of the uncles follow them. The car he was in side-swiped the motor scooter and the young man was pinned under it and left for dead (I do believe he survived) The young woman was thrown clear into some brush. The mother must have been in India, because the Uncle had grabbed a hold of the young woman by the hair with a knife at her throat and phoned the mother on his cell phone. It was apparent that the Uncle wasn't too thrilled with what he had to do and the mother (with no emotion) told him to kill her which he did. Again the story is unclear, but the mother was arrested in Canada.

I am not saying this would ever happen to you, but your culture (at least my your parents and grandparents) is very strong. Have that talk with the head of your household and if they say they have no problem with such a marriage then call your boyfriend and find out what is going on.

Most would tell you to move on, but in your case this is more than just a young man with marriage jitters and you need to know the truth (if at all possible.)

Good luck hon

New Answer HeadlineHi, thanks for the reply.

Well, we started dating, and I was weary at first cause of my parents. I knew my dad would accept, and my mom wouldn't. We knew through our entire relationship we would have to fight to be together. His parents are fine with us being together. They have warned him though, make sure you want to be with her, cause if you say you want to marry her, then back out, she can get into a lot of trouble.

So, I told my dad about him, and my dad was thrilled. He was very happy and accepted him not being Indian. I told my bf my dad knows, and he said he wsd very happy too. 2 weeks later he breaks up with me without a reason and says "its not going to work." There is a new girl who started working with him, and Im sure it has something to do with her. She started working there 1 week after I told my dad, and he breaks up with me 1 week after knowing her. I told him many times to leave me before I tell my dad, in case he wasnt sure about being with me. But he insisted that he wnats to marry me, and that it was about time I told my family about him. Maybe he thought I would never actually tell my parents? He has commitment issues for sure, and maybe its cause he is adopted. Then when I forced an answer out of him for why we are breaking up, he says "Youre too weak, it shouldn't have taken you 2 years to tell your family. It has to be right with both sides of the family and your mom wont accept it, neither will my dad." That is all bullsh*t, cause he has known for 2 years about that, and its not like I changed cultures overnight. I have always been Indian, and hes always been Canadian. So that to me, sounds like an excuse.

I had to break my dads heart, he was so happy I found someone, and I think he was more happy I found someone who wasnt East Indian, believe it or not.

For 2 years he loves me and talks about marrying me, then all of a sudden....."I don't think its going to work" and blames it all on me. And is in turn so rude to me.

I just don't get why make me tell my dad, if he says his feelings had changed. Why make me go through that? It has was hardest thing I did.

AnswerFirstly, be careful that your mother may not have had something to do with your boyfriend backing off. She could have spoken to his parents. Don't accuse her, but ask if she has contacted his parents about this marriage. However, from what you tell me about him he certainly does has commitment problems and he has hurt you deeply. You could also be right that once you actually talked to your father and when he agreed to the marriage your boyfriend was rather shocked and probably riding on the fact that because of the cultural differences your father would say no.

Don't worry so much about breaking your father's heart. He may be more over-joyed than you realize because you know what a jerk your boyfriend is and it's saved you and your family a lot of pain. Parents just want their children to be happy. Another man will come into your life that will treat you the way you should be treated. Consider yourself lucky you found out this boyfriend of yours isn't worth the skin he's in, and also realize that he should well know that the cultural differences you both faced was difficult particularly for you and 2 years isn't all that long. You did the right thing! He is to blame!

If you really want to get to the bottom of this then visit his parents when your ex boyfriend is not around. Explain to them what happened and before you move on would like to know what the reasons were for your ex boyfriend to do what he did to you. This would put your mind to rest. The long and short of it is, this young man is immature, played with your feelings, has commitment issues and you're lucky to be rid of him.

There are jerks in all cultures and we aren't all that different when it comes right down to it.

Good luck hon