What illness do you get from overeating math worksheet?

Answer 1

(Tongue in cheek response): Numberitis (pronounced with a silent 'b' as 'numerititis', as if mumbled instead of numBered) is a painful inflammation having to do with numbers. It can be uni-focal (one area) or multi-focal (many areas). Additionally, the uni- or multi- prefixes can refer to just select numbers or all numbers that precipitate or aggravate the inflammation.

Scientists think Numberitis only affects certain areas of the brain, but other scientists argue that while numberitis primarily involves the upper neurons of the Central Nervous System, numberitis must certainly involve lower neurons and the peripheral nervous system as well. The second group of scientists point to the fact that sufferers of Numberitis have difficulty thinking about numbers, mathematical concepts and theories, as well as writing numbers, formulas, or the dreaded "showing your work" for each step of a math problem. However, the first group of scientists state that the inability to write (the mechanical doings involved with math using the muscles and nerves of the dominant hand) may just be a PTSD-like complex in which the numberitis sufferer has an avoidance psychological problem. Since the two groups of scientists cannot agree on the precise physical or mental locus of difficulty, numberitis remains in both the ICD and the DSM which are the diagnostic code books physicians and psychologists use to label disorders and conditions.

Though they agree that numberitis is not technically an "illness"-- because it is not self-limiting like a viral cold or flu-- they do not agree on whether numberitis is a disorder or a condition. (Illness, disorder, and condition each have specific but separate definitions in the medical-psychiatric fields.)

Causation: Doctors do not yet fully understand numberitis. There have been links to various possible causes, but no scientific proof. Several small studies have shown that some sufferers reported "overeating math work sheets" but other studies showed that other students had "overrated the difficulty of problems on their math work sheets". This "over-rating" usually had to do with students thinking the problems were "harder" than what they were, in reality. Non-sufferers rated most of the math problems as "easy" or "medium" but only "if I studied and paid attention in class". Comparisons of "overeaters of math worksheets" and those who never ate a math work sheet were inconclusive, except the non-eaters said "WHY would anyone EAT a math worksheet?!" This group shuddered and grimaced with just the thought of doing this act. The study had to be terminated.

Duration: Though numberitis can persist for some sufferers, doctors have found that the inflammation eases when students practice solving math problems. In addition to solving problems, a small group improved when they also ate a peanut butter sandwich just before working on their math homework. Those with peanut Allergies substituted with a meat sandwich, protein being equal to that in peanut butter. Some peanut allergy sufferers tried an old treat their grandmothers enjoyed: banana Sandwiches, and found equal relief of numberitis.

Parental Caution: Physicians and Psychiatrists agree that parents should not permit their children to eat (let alone overeat) their nightly homework. Eating paper has many known health damages, including getting stuck in the intestines, making a wad of paper, so the child cannot have a bowel movement! The inability to 'go' can severely affect the improvement of numberitis, since attention is taken away from math and becomes centered on 'going' to the bathroom. Physicians and Psychiatrists also caution that parents should never give in to numberitis! Students need to work with numbers to "cure" the numberitis inflammation. Parents should never do math homework for their child! You will never create a Math Wiz if numberitis persists!

Genetics: There is NO evidence of any genetic factor in numberitis. There is NO evidence of Pica (eating paper is one example) or any "number difficulty" in the parents, grandparents, or great-grandparents of children who develop numberitis after overeating their math worksheets. No testing has been done about the type of paper or ink, but studies ruled out any connection to parents who have tattoos.

Medications: Numberitis is best treated through working number problems. NO medication has shown the drastic improvement gotten from "doing math". There is no vaccine. But a student who does not improve the numberitis may be given very painful "F" shots in both arms and buttocks. The "F" shot is best given at the time of Report Cards, so the student has many weeks thereafter to work math problems and cure the numberitis. The "F" shots have been shown, through over 200 years of use, to correct the numberitis condition very effectively when all other means have proven less effective. The "F" shots, via studies, have been shown to be safe enough to be repeated every 9 weeks or so-- indefinitely or until "cured".

Numberitis Support Groups: Support for numberitis has never been so widely available as it is today! Sufferers can band together to achieve a group cure! Tutors can give extra aid if needed. Parents can restrict internet and Cell Phone use, as part of their support for their children! Support, Math Practice, eating better, and a no-nonsense approach will help even the most troubled overeaters of math worksheets! CURE IS YOURS, if you practice and make numbers FUN!

Mathematics and Imagination: Working math problems needs a good mind, an imaginative mind. When you see a number, 'picture it' in your mind. Make it dance with other numbers, changing partners. Pretend the number is climbing up a wall, or coming down a flight of stairs. Picture what the number 'does' when it meets other numbers.

How to avoid Numberitis: Simple! Do your math homework!

Is Numberitis contagious -- No.

Is Numberitis a virus -- No.

Is Numberitis a bacteria -- No.

Will Numberitis go away-- YES! Just stop overeating your math worksheets and instead do the math!

Note: This is a Tongue in cheek response. Numberitis is not a real condition.