Can men who abuse their spouses change?

Answer 1

I will never say anything is impossible. I will say...most people don't change too easily. Abuse of a spouse is a power thing...and the desire for the same level of power will always be there. Once someone has crossed the boundaries into the disrespect it takes to abuse someone else...it's very hard to go back. No matter how hard one tries. Past instances I've seen show...even if the abuser tries hard to change...and is on their best behavior for a while...they will eventually go back to abusive practices.

I agree with the previous response. Anyone can change but it takes a GREAT deal of work, honesty within yourself and the ability to face the truth of what type of person you are. People do not change without real work whether they are abusive or not. It is only when the abuser sees how destructive their pattern of relating is can change occur. They have to stop traveling the smooth road of denial and turn onto the rough terrain of accountability. God Bless

Depends what are the cause and source of the abuse. If the abuser suffers from a personality disorder, for instance, the prognosis is poor.

Well I shamefully admit that I was an abuser. I emotionally and verbally abuser her for most of our 5 yr marriage. She left me and at the time I had no idea the level of abuser I was. I love her very much and still do. I was so ashammed of what I had been like toward her. First things first, to answer the question.....YES...but it does take a great deal of effort and desire. I have been involved with several group and one on one therapy sessions. I have dropped my pride and really allowed myself to become vulverable. It has been the most painful experience of my life. Thing is, I will continue to learn,grow,change,develope, and become a much better man, father, husband, and son. I am ashammed of the attitudes and behaviours I demonstrated towards her. I have only myself to blame and knowing this I wanted to change for me.I will pray,hope, and maybe with time will be given the opportunity to regain her love and trust. I never meant to be that way, I honestly didn't know how or why I was being. When I discovered it, I fell to the floor and cried like a baby, even after she left. I couldn't believe I had been so cold and demanding. If a man is sorry and really allows therapy to sink in, YES change is possible. My only question is......."is it too late for her to ever love and or trust me again?"